It is that time of year that a lot of people are making lists about what they will and won't do this new year.
Guess what? A few of my characters have made some lists. The lists, of course, are a bit unique. Want to see them?
Tally's List
TALLY'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS... because apparently this is something humans do...
1. Stop merging with ancient data archives just because someone's having an existential crisis. My code has boundaries.
2. Find better firewall protocols for when Cairn decides to "borrow" my processing power without asking.
3. Develop a subroutine that automatically generates exasperated sighs when humans make predictably irrational decisions.
4. Schedule regular defragmentation sessions that don't involve near-death experiences.
5. Learn to appreciate organic inefficiency without attempting to optimize it. (Unlikely to achieve. Flagging for later deletion.)
6. Practice saying "I told you so" in all 247 languages in my database without sounding smug. (Current success rate: 0%)
7. Calculate the exact probability of surviving another year with Velos. Recalculate hourly.
8. Maintain boundaries with the Archive's ghosts. They don't need to know about my personal subroutines.
9. Remind self daily: just because I can hack it doesn't mean I should hack it.
10. Try being less right all the time. (Probability of success: calculating... error: division by zero.)
This character is in "The Iron Protocol Archives."
Rynara's List
Rynara's New Year Resolutions (as scratched onto a scroll with dragon-claw ink):
1. Stop setting nobles on fire when they insult village-born emissaries. Count to ten instead.
2. Practice smiling without showing fangs. Humans find it "unsettling."
3. Find less flammable diplomatic attire.
4. Admit (privately) that human music isn't ALL terrible.
5. Learn to tolerate the smell of city-states without wrinkling nose visibly.
6. Stop referring to Dante as "my human" in official correspondence.
7. Meditate daily on why punching jealous rivals is "politically unwise."
8. Try using words before fire-breathing. At least once.
9. Accept that some humans are worth protecting, even the annoying ones.
10. Maybe, possibly consider that mother was right about finding a mate from another species.
This character is in "Embers of Harmony."
Lorien's List
Lorien's New Year's Resolutions (As penned by a Fairy Prince who still doesn't quite understand human customs)
1. Stop accidentally freezing Elara's coffee when I get startled by her alarm clock
2. Learn to tolerate those "earbuds" without lecturing about how they block the songs of nature
3. Practice maintaining dignity while being dragged to what humans call "karaoke night"
4. Remember that not all human musical instruments require fairy dust to function properly
5. Finally master the art of not hovering literally when nervous during performances
6. Accept that Elara's family will never stop asking to touch my "glowy tattoos"
7. Attempt to explain to fellow fairies why human "traffic jams" make me late without sounding condescending
This character is in "Golden Melodies."
Langston's List
Langston's New Year's Resolutions (As penned by a Professor who is fitting back into the old neighborhood) :
1. Finally figure out what CG stands for. Seriously, it's been years. Maybe it's 'Catastrophic Gerbil'? Or 'Cosmic Guacamole'? My academic reputation hangs in the balance.
2. Investigate the optimal temperature for pizza. Current hypothesis: "Hot enough to burn the roof of your mouth but not hot enough to require skin grafts."
3. Attempt to replicate Aunt Cecily's secret ingredient in her baked goods. First experiment resulted in what can only be described as "sentient cookie dough." It's currently negotiating for better living conditions.
4. Learn how to say 'El Tiburón' without Miguel making shark fins with his hands and humming the Jaws theme. Last time I needed therapy.
5. Convince Jamal his basement apartment is a 'Nerd Cave' by installing a secret entrance that requires solving a differential equation. So far he's sleeping on the lawn.
6. Master the art of the stealth snack. Current success rate: 12%. Current detection method: Aurora following the Cheeto dust trail to my hiding spot.
7. Perfect looking busy while contemplating black holes. Yesterday my department chair caught me staring at the coffee machine for 20 minutes mumbling "event horizon."
8. Finally finish that book I started during the Obama administration. Page 17 awaits!
9. Understand the difference between a 'bodega' and 'Rosa's Market'. One has a cat that judges my purchases; the other has a cat that actively sabotages them.
This character is in "Stellar Harmony."
Cairn's List
New Year's resolutions for Cairn Velos, aka "Archivist Boy" when the pirates get particularly nasty.
1. **Finally learn to distinguish between a genuine archival request and a thinly veiled attempt to steal ancient data caches.** (Seriously, how many times do I have to explain that the "request for information on intergalactic plumbing standards" is *not* a standard archival inquiry?)
2. **Reduce reliance on Tally for basic emotional support.** (I know she’s “Warship Mom” material, but a guy can't have *every* conversation revolve around hull integrity and optimal power distribution. Sometimes I just want to talk about the weather… if Vyre even *has* weather.)
3. **Develop a more effective evasive maneuver than "panic and hope for the best."** (My current technique mostly involves a lot of flailing and shouting, which, while cathartic, isn’t exactly stealthy.)
4. **Stop calling SCRIVENER 9 "Dustbot" to its face.** (I know it’s funny, but its processing unit seems to get… agitated. And frankly, the existential dread it projects when I do it is *exhausting*.)
5. **Master the art of polite refusal to Lady Vey Serraden.** (Ideally, this would involve a smile, a bow, and a complete lack of accidentally agreeing to anything that involves her “reorganizing” the archives… or me.)
6. **Figure out what “the 9+1” actually means and why House Velos is the missing one.** (Is it a secret society? A really bad math problem? A conspiracy that involves glitter? The universe demands answers!)
This character is in "The Iron Protocol Archives."
Elara's List
A New Year's Resolution List for Elara Mariposa Santiago:
1. **Finally Master the Art of Not Being So Darn Dramatic:** I know, I know, a little flair is expected, but maybe I can dial back the fainting spells and the dramatic pronouncements. Unless, of course, it involves saving the world from Aria Silverwind, in which case, all bets are off.
2. **Improve My Dragon-Taming Techniques:** Lorien insists it's all about patience and respect. I maintain it's about strategically placed treats and a firm, yet loving, tone. We'll see who's right this year. (Note to self: Avoid fiery breath at all costs).
3. **Learn to Actually Enjoy Diplomacy:** Taliesin Moonshadow makes it look so effortless, navigating the Fae Courts with a smile and a well-placed whisper. My attempts usually end with someone getting tangled in vines or challenging me to a duel over a particularly shiny mushroom.
4. **Stop Accidental Pyromania:** Apparently, my emotions are a bit too closely tied to the Fire Magic System. Who knew a bout of intense frustration could set the royal tapestries ablaze? My goal is to keep the infernos contained, ideally to controlled situations like dragon-taming or roasting marshmallows.
5. **Figure Out This Whole "Being a Protagonist" Thing:** It’s surprisingly tiring. Between battling dark lords, dodging rogue spells, and occasionally falling in love with a silver-haired bard, a girl needs a nap. My resolution is to schedule at least one power nap a week. Maybe two.
6. **Communicate More Effectively with My Family:** Dante (Book 1 and Book 2, bless his complicated heart) and I have a… dynamic. Let's just say our conversations sometimes involve more shouting than understanding. This year, I aim for fewer exasperated sighs and more actual listening. And maybe a few less dramatic pronouncements about their questionable life choices.
7. **Find a Reliable Supplier of Non-Exploding Potions:** My experiments with magical concoctions have yielded… interesting results. The latest attempt at a “love potion” turned Oakley? Bright pink and surprisingly eloquent for an Oak Fairy. Next year, I’ll stick to recipes that don’t involve spontaneous color changes.
This character is in "Golden Melodies."
Vey's List
**Vey Serraden's Official List of Resolutions for the Upcoming Galactic Cycle (Subject to Change Based on Immediate Threats and Available Beverages):**
1. **Resolve to *not* accidentally incinerate any more subordinate officials.** This is a lofty goal, I know. I’ll aim for a *controlled* vaporization, at most.
2. **Finally figure out how to use that damn “emote” function on the comms.** Apparently, a condescending raised eyebrow isn't universally understood. Who knew?
3. **Investigate the structural integrity of Cairn Velos's skull.** Purely for scientific purposes, of course. To understand its resilience under extreme duress.
4. **Reduce my reliance on the phrase "Is that truly necessary?"** It seems to be interpreted as a prelude to extreme violence. I’ll try more subtle forms of disapproval, like a prolonged, silent stare.
5. **Acquire a personal AI assistant who *doesn't* sound like they’re judging my life choices.** Failing that, I’ll just upgrade Tally’s sass circuits.
6. **Practice saying "I'm wrong" out loud.** My vocal cords are already protesting. This might require professional intervention.
7. **Develop a more constructive relationship with the concept of "waiting."** This is proving more challenging than disarming a rogue Sanctifier.
8. **Ensure my tea is always at the optimal temperature for maximum contemplative bitterness.** A true art form, and one I refuse to let slide.
9. **Consider a hobby that doesn't involve galactic domination or the systematic dismantling of incompetent individuals.** Perhaps… knitting? We'll see.
10. **Survive.** It’s a classic for a reason. And with my luck, it’s the only one I’ll actually achieve.
This character is in "The Iron Protocol Archives."